It’s no wonder countless books, movies, and songs have been written about first loves; they leave a lasting impression.
As a result, your first love experience could become the blueprint for all your future relationships.
The question is: Can you ever really “get over” your first love?
The answer depends on how the relationship ended and how content you are with your current situation.
A first love can be hard to let go of for a number of valid reasons, according to experts.
Your heart hasn’t already been broken before.
Once you believed that anything is possible in the world of love.
In your first ever romance, you gave and received love so freely, because you have yet to experience getting hurt.
Vulnerability use to comes freely to you and that rawness is difficult to re-embrace once you get burned.
They tend to happen during adolescence.
First loves occur during a pivotal time of self-discovery and growth.
A time packed with intense emotions.
The brain tends to encode memories more vividly during early adulthood, which is when many people encounter their first love.
During this time, your brain is sensitive so when emotional scenarios happen, the brain is more likely to be impacted by them.
Since strong emotions often arise from the heartbreak of your first love, these memories can obviously have a lasting impression.
This also means that your first ever relationship will help you shape who you are and provide you with a fresh preceptive on love.
There’s the element of novelty.
You’re always going to remember your first.
First kiss, first concert, your first legal drink… it is unlikely that you’ll remember every one after that.
The first relationship you’ll experience will undoubtedly leave an impact on your psyche.
You’ll also learn a lot from your first.
You’ll learn how you want to be treated and how you want to be loved.
Your first love will forever haunt your love life.
All the above reasons will make you realise that your first love in a way haunts your love life.
You may find yourself frequently reminiscing about them and wondering what they’re up to or even comparing them to potential partners.
You can’t really erase the memorise but it is possible to “get over” them emotionally.
It is a great feeling when you come to your senses and understand that it time to close that chapter and open yourself up to new possibilities.
However, that may take some work on your part.
Firstly, you’re going to have to take off those rose-coloured glasses.
The reason you’re so obsessed with your first love is because you’re unknowingly looking at the experience as a perfect one.
Your brain has a way of forgetting all the difficulties you encountered in the relationship and misses all the good things.
It is referred to as the Pollyanna Syndrome.
That is why your fixation on your first love is problematic if you want to move on.
If you’re trapped in the past, remembering all the good qualities about your ex, how can you give your new partner a proper chance?
You also have to remember that your first love probably occurred during a time where life was less demanding and stressful.
You had less things to worry about and this element is significant to highlight because you cannot compare being young and free to when you’re older and have financial responsibilities and other adult factors.
So as you can see, you’re idealising your first love experience by associating it with a less stressful period in your life.
Don’t let this factor get in the way, that new partner you’re dating shouldn’t be compared to an almost-perfect time in your life because obviously it is not a fair comparison.
Put the past behind you.
As easy as it is to say…there are some factors that may complicate things.
If your first relationship didn’t work out the way you wanted it to then that can definitely make it harder to move on.
You are left wondering what might have been.
If you’re really struggling with this it is essential that you take a look at your current love life.
If you are currently unhappy in love, you’re probably busy thinking about the early love stages and all the lovey-dovey crush feelings.
It could also be that your current romantic experiences are reminding you of your first love, so it’s natural for some of those old feelings to resurface.
This ranges from excitement and infatuation to sadness and rejection.
Do some soul searching.
Let’s look on the bright side, it usually becomes easier to let go of a first love the more you grow, mature, and evolve.
This may require you to do a little soul searching to find your individuality again.
It is essential because your sense of self would still attached to that first love, so it would mean leaving a piece of your own identity behind.
Ask yourself the following questions and use them as a compass the navigate your path to moving on :
How lovable do I feel?
If I don’t feel lovable, what’s getting in the way?
What changes can I now make in my life to reinforce that I’m “worthy” of love?
Would I change jobs? Go back to school? Break up with my current partner?
These questions will help you explore yourself and focus on the present rather than wonder about the past.
Grieving your first love.
It is okay to grieve your past love.
Grieving is a stage of letting go.
It helps you understand that it is time to identify what new path to take and to move forward.
It is your psyche’s way of telling you that you’re ready to welcome new possibilities into your life.
Working on yourself is so important because if you don’t you’re going to feel like you being held hostage by your own past.
Getting over your first love won’t be easy but it’s not supposed to be.
Do you think you’re over them? Let us know.
